Choices

Choices.

Do you ever feel like every choice that you make weighs about a thousand pounds? Even the small ones? Like that extra stop to the drive thru at McDonald’s to get some French fries, or taking that alternate route to your car when you see someone you know walking your way? Because you are just too tired and not in the mood to take five seconds out of your day to say a quick, “Hello, how are you?”

Lately, almost always, my life feels like every little small decision I make has so much weight attached to it, and no matter how hard I try to make the significant and good choice, my life ends up being a pile of these tiny disappointments that seem to grow bigger every day. Then one day I look over my shoulder and see that heaping mound of disappointment. Disappointment in myself, mostly. Most people aspire to be good. Most people desire to make the right choices. Including me. Disappointment often awaits when we don’t meet that good person mark.

Recently all I’ve begun to see in my life is how I’ve failed to save, failed to study, failed to come through when someone really needs me. Everywhere I turn it seems as if I am letting someone down. Or myself. Maybe it’s because I have unrealistic goals. Maybe it’s because I rely too much on my own strength.

This past Sunday, someone whom I’ve grown to love deeply, who is someone I can really look up to and trust that they have godly wisdom, prayed for me and he said something that really struck me. First, he said that Jesus separates us thousands of miles away from our sin. But what does this mean exactly? I still sin. Does that mean my sin doesn’t matter anymore? This is where that mentality is born. The one that thinks. “I’m saved, so I can do anything I want and it’s good.” I don’t buy that mentality. Maybe then, this means that Jesus offers a way from the bondage of sin. Like His powerful arm stretched out to pull us out of that hole we are so willing to step back in to. Perhaps one can’t take that very literally. Jesus separates us from our sin, but that isn’t freedom to keep walking in it. With Jesus’ mighty arm, we can be pulled out of that pit and begin that thousand mile journey away from it. Every day we grow deeper into Him, we are separated a mile or so from our sin. That’s my interpretation.

Anyways, I digress. He also said that everyday I need to go to Jesus to renew my purpose. This hit me like a ton of bricks. It makes me quite emotional, honestly. I’ve seen and heard of so many people lose their purpose. That’s not to say that God’s purpose for us is written in pencil per se. I don’t want to lose my purpose. I’ve grown too attached to it. I think that the enemy yearns, strives, needs, wants, and wars to steal the purpose of the saints. Think about it. As God’s chosen people, we all have gifts, special gifts, whether we chose to believe it or not. Sure, there are flashy and fancy gifts like prophecy or speaking in tongues, but the Bible says that there is no differing weight to any of these gifts. The person who does miracles in the name of Jesus isn’t higher or lower than the person that serves in children’s ministry. We are all needed in the body of Christ, and if everyone in the body performed miracles and gave prophecies then it wouldn’t be the body of Christ that God ordained. Every role plays a part. So if Satan can steal your purpose from you, whether it be children’s ministry, worship, or a heart for the nations, he is taking a piece of God’s finished puzzle. Does that make the puzzle any less glorious? Heck no. But the devil desires to rob people of purpose and destiny because God has great plans for each and every believer, and these plans have a significant role in eternity. A child that you help grow in children’s ministry could help ignite an entire country for Jesus or grow up to be the pastor of a Church that changes a community forever.

So when this man tells me to renew my purpose in Jesus every day, I’m reminded that there is a lion lurking, waiting. Seeking to devour my purpose and my destiny. Where does that bring me back to?

Choices.

All the wrong choices, the disappointment. All the wandering around aimlessly because I’ve forgotten my purpose and ultimately, my identity. Our choices reflect what’s going on inside of us. Our actions and behaviors are rooted in our thoughts. And when our relationship with Jesus is dwindling and that spiritual amnesia is coming back (the one that makes you forget of His great love, and all He’s done for you) our choices become poor in quality. We need to renew our purpose. We need to remind ourselves who we are in Christ. Because it’s so easy to forget for some reason. When we have our purpose in mind, it will be much easier to make choices that go along with that purpose, ones that reflect our godly character--a changed heart and mind.

I guess I need to focus less on the choices I’m making, the ones that reflect a forgotten purpose and focus on the Lord, who has my purpose etched in stone. He’ll be glad to show it to me anytime I like.